lucid again

OMGawd!!! Can't wait until January 6, 2008! That's the premiere of the L Word's Season 5. I just saw a clip of their Season 5 promo here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4BBaIGgoehs. OMGawd!!! I can't stop saying it! Tina and Bette and Bette and Tina! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Im perked up again. And tha catch phrase for the promo was "Come January. There's no fighting it.". Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! They all look so good! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Somebody stop me, please! I am so excited!!!!!! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! could it be?! Could it be?! Could Tina and Bette be coupling again? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Argh... Jodi... They also look cute, though. But I like TiBette better. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!Tina to Bette:"...Bette...". The look on Bette's face. As if she knew what's gonna happen after and she might be dreading it for so many reasons. Tina to Bette: "Are you in love with Jodi?". What did Bette say?! Bette when she saw Tina sunbathing on their pool, almost topless. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

letters from my mind

September 27, 2007
Here’s the thing. I accidentally fell for you. I didn’t mean for it to happen but it did. It all happened too quickly for me to even stop and catch myself. I cannot believe that this all happened overnight. All I needed was one night and boom! I was drawn to you. You have a certain pull at me that I just can’t control. My feeling grew through the time that we spent together but the saddest part is I can never tell you and you can never know. It would ruin me. It would ruin us if you ever find out. I have gazed at you and found the beauty in you. I’m sorry. I look at you and admire you when you are not looking. I am in sin. I find almost everything about you beautiful. The way your hair falls perfectly into place. The way your skin looks so soft. The way your dimples show when you’re having a good laugh. The way you touch me affectionately just like what you do to almost everybody else. The way you know me better than everyone else around us. Your kindness makes you more beautiful. Your toughness makes you more desirable. I was able to let you go. I have let go. But you found me again and now I am deeper into you than ever before. I am so scared of what I’m feeling. I feel longing. Longing to touch you and care for you but I know it can never be. We can never be. And that makes me sad. I know this sadness. I’ve been here before. I’ve felt this before. And it might take me too much time to heal myself from this pain. I just wish things were different. And I wish you were mine.

October 3, 2007
I miss you. You’re not here and I miss you. You told me the other day that you would miss me too when I’m not around. My heart danced when you said that. Could it be? You made me wonder again. Could it be? My feeling for you right now is not as strong as it was the last time I wrote about you. But this is today. I have to wonder what tomorrow brings. And yet, you still hold a piece of my heart. You’re still special. You still make my heart dance and my mind race. We are now bonded, I can say. It’s nice. Eventually, I can have you as a lifelong friend. I’d settle for that even though I currently want more. Am I opportunistic? I apologize. But I can’t help myself. I am deeply sorry and forgive me. Please forgive me. I can’t bear the thought of you getting mad at me. I like you too much to bear your anger.