crash and burn

He crashed his car in a gutter last Sunday when he was participating in a motorsport event. The crash triggered a lot of things in me. First, how he constantly lies to everybody and second how expensive the sport is. We talked about it and somehow a few bits and parts makes me sad. If I am to be honest with how I feel about us marrying each other I can say that I want him already to be my longtime partner. He has told me several times that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. But thinking of it, right now he wants other things. He wants to have his own car so he can continue on joining motorsports and between a car and a wedding, I don't think he'll be able to fulfill both financially. Unfortunately, he needs to choose one over the other and the unchosen one would ned to wait. I'm thinking that if it is us who would need to wait, I always keep on wondering how long I have to wait. i just hope that we're still together when he finally decides to settle down. We're not getting any younger anyway...

one sunday afternoon

Heck I was sick, literally that my partner was kind enough to watch over me since everybocy else was busy. That afternoon we had a shorrt talk about us. It started with us sitting on the sofa and him looking at me then all of a sudden blurted out: "Let's get married?". I asked him if he was okay, he said yes and he asked me if I had any doubt regarding him being my better half. With all the honesty in my body I definitely would like to marry him, it's just that sometimes I'd rather not admit it thinking that if I get hurt it would be less since I did not expect or let myself expect that we were to end up with each other. For goodness sake, he's my first boyfriend and we're this serious already! I asked him to look at me, I actually grabbed his face and made him look me in the eye and I ask him if he seriously think that the face and person in front of him is the same person that he would like to spend the rest of his life. He answered yes. Then at one point he just blurted out: "Hon, if ever there comes a time, I hope you don't ask me to stop my motorsports career." You see, right now that is his new "thing". I'm still thinking if it's a phase or if it is something that I have to live with for as-long-as-I-don't-know. I told him taht I wouldn't do that as long as he doesn't abuse it. He says the reason why he told me that is because if I were to ask him I do have the power to make him stop. He says that that is how strong my hold is onto him. I hoep that day never really comes. I do hope so...

bliss

One week of bliss with my partner. Ah, what a refreshing change. No heartaches or whatsoever. For the past week it seem that he's bent on making me happy and spoiling me. It even came to a point that I would rather not see him, not because I don't want to but because we are together most of the time that we don't have anything to talk about when we're together. I just can't help but to wonder when the downtimes would pour again. But anyway, I have today and I'm loving it and it eventually has to end and I hope we're up to the challenge. Not that we haven't had little mishaps last week. We did but we we're able to resolve it. I just don't know why he's spoiling too much. Hmmm. Fishy... Haha! let's not go there and put things on my head. Enjoy this, lemme enjoy this... :o)

the ex...

That bitch!!! Ok, I shouldn't be acting this way, calm down... No!!! Bitch! That bitch!!! She's at it again! Argh! She tried to add him on her friendster list and he just told me just now... Argh! All of the nasty memories is flooding my mind right now! How she treated me after he sold me out. How she made me feel like a tramp. How she paraded in front of me with him. How she ignored me when I was being humble. All of the nasty things are coming back and together with those things I also remeber how he acted when we were together already and she was around. Confusing! And she's back! She's creeping back into his life. She's got her own boyfriend for goodness sake! Yes, jealousy is creeping in me. Yes! They made me suffer and I can't forget those. Not sure if I've forgiven them. Hmm... Argh!!!

q & a

I've been sending him questions via SMS, here are the questions as well as the answers.

Question #1: What is the happiest moment of your life?
Answer: When you said, "I love you" though you didn't fully mean it. =) Tagal na nun. =)

Question #2: What do you think of when you think of us?
Answer: "Us." =) Why we're together and how we'll continue to be together.

Question #3: When you look at me what do you see?
Answer: I see the one that I love, and no matter what is happening, I know it's a face my heart won't let go.

Question #4: What do you hate about me?
Answer: Good question. =) You holding me too close and you shoving me away. Makes sense? =)

Question #5: What do you love most about me?
Answer: That you make me happy, feel complete, and cheer me up even on the shittiest times, such as now. =)

Question #6: What are your regret/s about our relationship?
Answer: Ah... that's easy. None. =)

Question #7: If there's one thing you can change in our relationship, what would it be?
Answer: Financial state. =) at sana me bahay at lupa na rin tayo (house and lot), complete with furniture. =)

i am a spoiled brat...

He told me that already. And I said I was aware of it. He says he spoil me too much and I say I'm loving it!!! Haha! I feel that I am self-centered at times. Hmmm... I was feeling sad last weekend because we were not able to meet to think that we were togather the whole Thursday of last week. I don't know what's wrong with me I also told him that I just might want to feel sad. I sometimes have that tendency. I'm a masochist. Haha! I don't want to feel sad anymore... hmph!

smooth sailing over rough waters

Just like what the title suggested, we are trying to sail smoothly over rough waters. The relationship is trying to hold itself together even through trying times. It has its high and lows, of course. It's usually every after the other. After being happy somehow something would come up to crap on it. Oh, well. Life goes on. I think and feel it's way better then before. =)

smooth sailing over rough waters

Just like what the title suggested, we are trying to sail smoothly over rough waters. The relationship is trying to hold itself together even through trying times. It has its high and lows, of course. It's usually every after the other. After being happy somehow something would come up to crap on it. Oh, well. Life goes on. I think and feel it's way better then before. =)