loneliest number

I just downloaded the Season 4 of The L Word. I watched it last night. Started midnight til 6am. Yes, I cheated! I always did! I only watch the part that I'm interested. I tend to push the fast forward button. And the usual part that I am interested in is where Bette is. She is indeed with Jodi already. I don't see that much chemistry between the two of them. They just don't make me feel fuzzy all over unlike when Bette was with Tina. Jennifer Beals is not as hot as she was in Season 1. Might be because she's got a baby? Jodi and Bette is cute but the spark is just a flicker. It's not as bright as Tina and Bette's. Tina just realized that she wants Bette back. So sad. Because she can't have her now. Bette is totally in love with Jodi. The sadder part is that Tina is helping Bette make her relationship with Jodi work. What feeling could be more painful than wanting someone and helping that someone steady her relationship with somebody else. On the last episode for the season Bette called Tina and asked her what she was gonna say to Jodi once she sees her. My heart went to Tina for that scene. It was so fuckin sad. She said "Tell her: I never should have let you go. I would do anything for another chance. I'm not afraid to make a fool out of myself." The line is so romantic! Tina is fuckin brilliant. The sad part is you can see in her eyes that she is telling those things from her heart reaching out to Bette. Unfortunately, Bette is too centered on Jodi to notice that Tina actually wants her back. =( It's just so sad. Sad, sad, sad.
Bette, oh Bette! I just wish that she and Tina would get back together and be the happy, cute and sweet couple that they were. Jodi and Bette are cute but I am also a romantic. I want to belive that when you are meant for one person no matter what happens, you'll always be together. Funny, I believe that in shows but I can't seem to make myself believe that in real life. It's just that the process of getting there is so fuckin hard.
I am changing. Good or bad, I don't know. I had a thought the other day. John has been gone for 3 weeks and I missed him at first then I didn't. I don't even bother to check my yahoo mail from time to time to check if I have messages from him. He didn't send me an SMS for several days and I didn't care. It scared me. Does that mean that I can now live my life without him? Am I now ready to move on? Sometimes, I wanna try it with somebody else. I wanna feel how it is with somebody else. I am just so scared to do it. I've been keeping to myself this past few days, weeks maybe. I am weird and I am always lost in thought. This feelings were stirred by the show. How did that happen? I am not really sure how. It just did. It just did.
Maybe I wanna feel the feeling that you get when youa re first in love. I am on the way to my fifth year in this relationship. Is it possible that it is taking its toll on me? I really don;t know what to say, respond or think of that question. I just have no answer for it. I just don't.

lucid

Waaah! I just learned that the next season of the L word will be aired next year. Next year?! Next year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so sad. I'm gonna miss Bette. Waaaaah! Yes, I'm a new fan. So what?! Next year! I haven't been thinking about Christmas yet! Next year!

the L worLd

I am currently so obssessed with Jennifer Beals and her L word character, Bette Porter. Bette for me would be one of the most sexy and desirable lesbian around. She's fashionable, pretty, sexy, intelligent and has class. Well, she is bossy and all but that works for me! She is a pretty woman who is in control. How cool is that?!? I just finished watching the 3 seasons of the show. I have to tell you that I cheated on most of it. I scrolled through the show where Bette is. I have read the transcripts for the season 1 and 2.
The show has grown to my delight! Season 1 was mostly about lesbian sex which was fine with me but it was getting old. Believe me, there is a story but there's also lots of sex. I cried during the last episode of the First Season. That was when Tina found out and confronted Bette. I can just feel their pain but I have to say Bette was fuckin' stupid to get it on with that carpenter, Candace! Tina is not as gorgeous as Bette but she still is pretty on her own way and I just don't find Candace even cute! Plus, Bette has been with Tina for 7 years. They were life partners that wear this 3 entwined rings on their ring finger. How sweet is that?! And she had to throw it all away by getting in the sack with C.
Bette and Tina looks so cute together. And if you watch the show and get past the lesbianism and see their relationship as any other relationship around you would also find them cute. They were just so perfect for each other. They're the kind of couple that will always be a couple even if they break up. It's just sad that they had to fell apart. That was what made me cry. They were such great actors and great characters that I was so moved.
Season 2, I have to say has more depth than Season 1. The plot was deeper. The story dealt with something deeper other than sex. Bette was trying so hard to win back Tina and yu can see her so lonely in her own little world. It was her fault why she was in that mess but it was just so sad not to see them together. They got back together before the season ended but it was not like before. They got back but they were barely lovers.
Season 3, was very sad. They had the baby but their relationship was falling apart. They were not a couple even. They were just partners for the sake of their kid, Angelica and they always bicker. Bette was in her darkest times during this season. My heart comes out to her. It was just so sad. And Dana, funny and cute Dana, had to die from cancer. I cried again because it was just lonely. Bette and Tina broke up. Tina is with a man and Bette had to be stupid and took Angelica away.
The loneliness being projected in the series is taking over me. I feel lonely, too. I feel sad. I want to be alone even for a day. I wanna be alone somewhere and have my peace. I thought I'll have that today but apparently not.I wanna do what I want to do without explaining it to anybody. This series for me is a secret. I keep it to myself fearing that they'd think I am also a lesbian but watching the other season's I don't think that the show is just about Lesbianism. I tell you, if you get past that you'll see the beatiful and moving story underneath.
I love Bette! I really, really do! She is so pweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty!!!