confessions of a broken heart...
I feel like we are going back to the same path that we were before. The path we took where in the end we decided to give up and let it be. The path where in we adnitted defeat.
I feel like it's the same thing over and over again. It's the same fights and the same issues. I will not say thatw e didn't change because I know we did. I know I did. I have changed in so many ways that was both good for me and for us. Gone was the Me who was so selfish that I'd rather that he only has fun with me and not with other people. Gone is the Me who meddles with his finances since I am thinking both for his future and ours.Gone is the Me who firmly believes that it will be us in the end, I decided to let fate do its work.
We are contradictory in so many ways. We seldom like and believe the same thing. At times these differences would compliment us. At times it would be the cause of conflict.
He went out last night. Had a basketball session with his friends. I on the otherhand, went to sleep. I woke up at 1AM wondering where he is. There were no SMS nor a missed call on my mobile phone. The first thing that went to my mind was that he might still be playing basketball. But then again, I thought that they wouldn't stay that long. Then I got worried. Knowing that he has a bad knee, i feared that something might hvae happened to him. He might have had another accident, worse this time, he needed to go to the hospital. Then all of a sudden the worry was bumped by the thought that he is out there having fun with his mates and he didn't bother telling me since I was asleep. Not thinking that he'll make me worry. I asked him where he was. He replied saying he hanged out with his friends and is on his way home. I am thankful for the fact that he's ok. I know that already, anyway. What pissed me off that he made me worry for no apparent reason. I don't like wasting my time and emotion on something that is useless. Bottomline for me was, I worried and he's having the time of his life. That simply doesn't sound fair to me. This is not the first time this happened. It had transpired so many times that I already lost count. But through it all, he seem to never learn. He says he understand but he doesn't change. He never learns. And I'll start feeling like where back to where we were before. What ensued was a long talk. A talk that I had to initiate. He was being the same jackass man that didn't bother to call me and talk to me. He said he got scared becasue I was mad and I have a point to be. That's just plain crap. I was so hurt in teh end. I kept on thinking that he was being effortless again. That he's starting to work for our relationship. Up to know I am still hurt. I told him things that I've never told him before. Things that were bothering me. I told him about me always thinking if I should have an affair with somebody else. He asked me why. I told him my reasons. He understood but asked me not to. I ahven't done it, though I have given it more thought than what is due. I am hurt right now. And I'm sad. He makes me sad. Just like before, he's my happiness and my sadness. I just don't know what to do right now.
I heard a guy say: "find a man who'll never let you go. it would only be then that you'll know that he's the one."
When I heard that something in me said that he's not the one. That it's possibly somebody else. So sad...
I feel like it's the same thing over and over again. It's the same fights and the same issues. I will not say thatw e didn't change because I know we did. I know I did. I have changed in so many ways that was both good for me and for us. Gone was the Me who was so selfish that I'd rather that he only has fun with me and not with other people. Gone is the Me who meddles with his finances since I am thinking both for his future and ours.Gone is the Me who firmly believes that it will be us in the end, I decided to let fate do its work.
We are contradictory in so many ways. We seldom like and believe the same thing. At times these differences would compliment us. At times it would be the cause of conflict.
He went out last night. Had a basketball session with his friends. I on the otherhand, went to sleep. I woke up at 1AM wondering where he is. There were no SMS nor a missed call on my mobile phone. The first thing that went to my mind was that he might still be playing basketball. But then again, I thought that they wouldn't stay that long. Then I got worried. Knowing that he has a bad knee, i feared that something might hvae happened to him. He might have had another accident, worse this time, he needed to go to the hospital. Then all of a sudden the worry was bumped by the thought that he is out there having fun with his mates and he didn't bother telling me since I was asleep. Not thinking that he'll make me worry. I asked him where he was. He replied saying he hanged out with his friends and is on his way home. I am thankful for the fact that he's ok. I know that already, anyway. What pissed me off that he made me worry for no apparent reason. I don't like wasting my time and emotion on something that is useless. Bottomline for me was, I worried and he's having the time of his life. That simply doesn't sound fair to me. This is not the first time this happened. It had transpired so many times that I already lost count. But through it all, he seem to never learn. He says he understand but he doesn't change. He never learns. And I'll start feeling like where back to where we were before. What ensued was a long talk. A talk that I had to initiate. He was being the same jackass man that didn't bother to call me and talk to me. He said he got scared becasue I was mad and I have a point to be. That's just plain crap. I was so hurt in teh end. I kept on thinking that he was being effortless again. That he's starting to work for our relationship. Up to know I am still hurt. I told him things that I've never told him before. Things that were bothering me. I told him about me always thinking if I should have an affair with somebody else. He asked me why. I told him my reasons. He understood but asked me not to. I ahven't done it, though I have given it more thought than what is due. I am hurt right now. And I'm sad. He makes me sad. Just like before, he's my happiness and my sadness. I just don't know what to do right now.
I heard a guy say: "find a man who'll never let you go. it would only be then that you'll know that he's the one."
When I heard that something in me said that he's not the one. That it's possibly somebody else. So sad...
posted by wanda d. at 6:04 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home