confused again...

I don't know what to do again. I am so confused once more. This is killing me. He's my happiness and my pain. I don't kow which of the two things matters more. Is it my happiness or is it my heart's "peace of mind"? He's got faults and I certainly have my own. I expect too much and I can't set him free. Two things that will surely ruin a relationship. He wrote me a letter and it was not so reassuring. It was at one level but it's not enough. We're going down the drain and I am so pessimist about the relationship already.
Action plan:
I need to find my own happiness. I need to make myself happy and not depend on him and his presence to make me happy. Or else I won't get out of this slump and I'll continue on feeling dead inside.