"Find a man who never wanna let you go."
I guess that's not the kind of man that I am currently with. Sad, but it seems to be true. I always thought that he was the one who loves me more in the relationship. Looks like it's the other way around. How did things become so complicated all of a sudden? What caused this? I really can't fathom the faults both of us made or the circumstances that pushed us for this relationship to be harder than it usually was. What the heck is wrong? Is it time to let go. I realized that the relationship or I am not giving John the confidence that he needs to feel secure about the relationship. I've got my insecurities and he's got his own. What happened? Things we're much simpler before. Now, it's more complicated. The longer the relationship lasts the harder it gets. And I thought it was the other way around.
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will I survive without him? Yes, of course. But before I fully heal I might need to go through hell. That thought is scary.

*this was written last 5-16-06