getting harder everyday...

This is getting harder everyday. I still feel sad most of the time and I still need to find a way to make myself feel better. This is not right and this is definitely not me. Somehow I feel like I'm in the relationship and I am just waiting for the strength to move on. I want the relationship. I really do. I just don't like working for it anymore. It's tiring. I don't think I'll ever be the supportive girlfriend that he needs. And if I wouldn't be that person, I don't think this relationship will ever work. It's like I'm just here making the realtionship the exact tool to help me get over him. This is really hard and confusing. I do love him, with all of me. But somehow, it's not enough. I don't think noe belive that love will ever be enough. I'm still trying to learn my lessons but it's really hard. When did everything started being hard? I can't recall. He is growing and I am left. I need to grow and I really need to have fun without him. I don't want to depend on him anymore becuase it would only hurt me in the end. At least now he believes once again that we do have a future together. That we'll end up marrying each other. I started believing that and when the moment came where it tells me otherwise it really did hurt. It hurts so bad. And I've learned my lesson. I'll never believe that again until I see it. I'll never believe it. Because if I start believing once again, I'll start hurting also. God, give me strength.